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It took me a lonnnng time to play this team.

Black Bolt (Incredible Hulk 042) 193
Gorgon (Mutations & Monsters) 110
Crystal (Chaos War) + Fantastic Force 5
Medusa (Galactic Guardians) 82 + Fantastic Force 5
+ Kinetic Accelerator 0
+ Dynamostat 0
+ Eleha’al Vine 0
=500 points. It was for the “Turf Wars” scenario (as seen on the “scenarios” page on this site). I’ve been wanting to field Mr. Bolt with his wife for months, but the time or team or total points never seemed right until now.

FIRST VICTIM: Returning player G.O. fielded Sentinel Mark II (Giant-Size X-Men G01), Morgan Le Fay (Chaos War) and Daredevil (Incredible Hulk 021) on the Quinjet map. I had control of the game for the most part, but was unable to KO more than DD for the win. It came down to a final-round miss on a last-click Crystal to save the game for me, because time would’ve run out before I could add a last-click Morgan to my points.

SECOND MARK: Relative newbie Aaron, who ran a full-strength Black Adam (Superman 054), Wonder Woman (Justice League 003) and Batman (10th Anniversary 001) on the Realm of Death. Gorgon rushed in to tie down the threats; after he was KOed, the enemy was in prime position to take massive “Silent Scream” damage from Black Bolt. He’d do this more than once, as Aaron’s team was unable to escape or muster enough fight to stop me. This time I wiped.

FINAL FOE: Vic had a typically strong team of Metron, Brainiac (10th Anniversary 012), Lex Luthor (10th Anniversary 013), Calculator (Arkham Asylum) and (sadly denying Vic the wonderfully F.U.N. theme of an all-chair team) Batman (10th Anniversary 001) again on the Death map. This match swung back and forth a bit, but a crucial late game error killed my potential comeback — having broken walls to gain a single-target Pulse Wave on Metron, I missed the crucial attack. But the move I should have made was to move Crystal to base Metron first, JUST out of BB’s line of fire. That way, even missing wouldn’t have cost Bolt his chances of a followup shot. As it actually happened, though, he was knocked way off his fighting game and only running out of time saved me from a complete wipeout.

Piece-by-piece:

Black Bolt really needs TK and/or Barrier to be playable for his SP Pulse Wave. But as the only taxi for the team and being paired with his wife Medusa for the +1 to AV, it’s a little hard to pull off the mega-move. He’s pretty pushable, at least. In the future, I won’t run him without the Inhumans ATA to help maneuver him into position to explode.

Medusa benefits greatly from the +1 AV. In this game, her free melee Incap was useless about half the time, but

Crystal remained a solid figure, functioning first as the alpha strike that Black Bolt is sadly incapable of being for this team, then as the cleanup pitcher with her unorthodox line of attack via the “Tornado” trait.

Gorgon was nothing other than high-priced tie-up, because I forgot his Super Strength only works on standard objects.

  • + Kinetic Accelerator 0
  • + Dynamostat 0
  • + Eleha’al Vine 0

Nope, I didn’t play a single one. Additionally, as I’ve mentioned before, Super Strength is hobbled by the fact that opponents need not bring a single object to the field — and none of mine did.

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The darkness continues next week, with a long-awaited all-villain team report!

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Continuing the photographic record of just how each character with the Super Strength power can hold their object token somewhere on the sculpt unassisted.

After my buggy camera ate a nearly complete set of pix from both 10th Anniversary sets, I’ve been slowly trying to reassemble the record. Last time we looked at the unassuming John Jones. Now check out his true form, Martian Manhunter:


Left arm grips it perfectly.

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Tomorrow, a rather inhuman team report. Then, on Thursday, another freakish Token Totin’ pic.

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One of the least fun things to face in this game is the killbox: a zone of the map in which a player can lay down multiple attacks on a target before the target can counter or pre-empt it. In times past, it was Stealth- and range-heavy teams that could best use this strategy with proper map and positioning. But certain newer figures like Nightcrawler (Web of Spider-Man) have the ability to pull targets directly into said killbox. And two others have the ability to create a killbox from their own starting area!

Thanos (Galactic Guardians 049) is the worst of all.

His Speed SP, “Teleport My Greatest Enemies,” reads thusly:

“Thanos can use Plasticity. Give Thanos a power action and place the two highest point value target opposing characters in squares adjacent to Thanos.”

Um…WHAT? So much for positioning. There’s almost no way to beat this tactic, as Thanos is more than able to weather any counterattacks (assuming you can even mount one after his allies get first shot on you AND Thanos uses his OTHER SP to swap your Speed and AV around).

What can you do?

 

  • Pick the Shadowlands map.  Because Thanos’ power was errataed to target opponents (so that it couldn’t ignore first turn immunity), it became vulnerable to this map’s effect of preventing anyone from being targeted with any effect more than 6 squares away. This map will force Thanos players to actually leave the starting area or risk being swarmed by the time they can actually use the kidnapping power.
  • Run Mystics. At the very least, make ’em pay for janking and hitting your high-priced pieces.
  • Run Weapon X  (Captain America 059) or Captain America (Captain America 060). At least while they’re in their respective “stasis” states, they can’t be snatched. Gives you a chance to position.
  • Run a single figure. If there’s only one character on your force, he can’t use the power at all.
  • Finally, field deep-dialed top guns with speedy backups. Sometimes the Thanos player will screw himself over by hitting you to a sweet spot. (That’s what that stat-switching SP is for). Get your team over to back his targets up as quickly as you can.
‘Course, all this doesn’t help you against his sky-high stats or anything. But it might keep the game at least competitive.

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I can’t draw this out any longer. Here are the top four worst sculpts in HeroClix:

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4

Morgan Le Fay (Critical Mass)

Y’know, she’s supposed to be scary AND beautiful:

I don’t even need to write any more. Just do the side-by-side for yourself.

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3

Green Lantern (Origin)

It’s not an optical illusion. His left leg really is a good 20% shorter than his right. And his left arm is also shorter than the right as well. But, amazingly, from shoulder to fist, that left arm is actually almost as long as his left leg is from hip to heel.

More from the believe it or not department: this is based on an actual comic book panel. I’ve seen it. I wish to heaven I’d grabbed the shot from the blog I spotted it in.

Here’s the question I’d like to ask the sculptor: In a comics universe where you could pick Alex Ross’ or Carlos Pacheco’s or other A-list modern artists’ work as a reference, why would you use a janky bit of rushed Golden Age-era art as a reference?

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 2

Umar (Critical Mass)

Again, like Morgan Le Fay in the same set, she’s supposed to be beautiful, if rather scary, too.

 Critical Mass was more like a Crippled Mess where sculpts were concerned. And Umar here is the absolute poster child for the problem. Thankfully, sculpts have never gotten quite this bad again…except once.

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1

Captain America (Avengers 001)

I asked before why this sculptor didn’t use better reference art to do Green Lantern. But considering that the reference for the above monstrosity was this pretty nice splash page:

…well, I guess it wouldn’t have helped.

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Tomorrow: More fighting fire with F.U.N.

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7

Martian Manhunter (Origin)

The first (but not last!) of sculpts on this list by notorious former WizKids sculptor Lukas Little, this doughy-looking work of the Manhunter from Mars wouldn’t be so bad if not for one funky bit of botched anatomy: his calves! They’re as big as his thighs, maybe a bit larger, and they ruin the whole piece.

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6

Wasp (Avengers 059)

The general sculpt is…okay. It flirts with actually being good, from the neck down. But that head! That FACE! It’s horribad. But while the face is an inexcusable non-paint job, it’s the nubs on the top that push this sorry excuse for Janet Van Dyne onto this list. I mean, where do you get those from this?

Maybe they were attempting to do her needle-thin antennae. Ridiculous to attempt. And plainly unfinished. PUKE!

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5 (tie)

Sersi (Critical Mass)

Somehow, this one comes off as a valiant attempt at the below, but is hindered by being in the Critical Mass set, probably the absolute nadir of sculpting excellence in HeroClix’s 10-year history.

However, that doesn’t explain this poor excuse for the maid of might:

Supergirl (Unleashed)

Again, it’s a valiant attempt. Feeble result.

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It’s October and that means Halloween is coming. This countdown has nothing to do with playability or anything about the dial. It’s all about the wrongest, worst-looking, most misshapen sculpts in all of HeroClix.

10

Validus (Giants)

Taken on his own, big V here doesn’t appear to deserve a spot on the worst list. That is, until you compare him to his comic-book and cartoon depictions:

The ‘clix figure is so skinny. It’s missing some details and it looks like a shark-toothed toddler. At the time, many giants were sculpted slim to fit into boosters, but Val here was in a collector’s set; he didn’t have to be so emaciated from the waist down!

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9

Rogue (Infinity Challenge)

A lot of the earliest ‘clix figures were poor. But this one’s the worst of the set, IMO. Awkward pose, a Butt’erface…there’s nothing flat-out WRONG with her. She’s just…wrong.

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8

Carnage (Web of Spider-Man)

It’s not the worst sculpt, but the huge hands make it unintentionally hilarious instead of terrifying as Carnage should be.

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  Tomorrow, it’s numbers 7, 6 and 5. Things are gonna get UGLY!

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Some time ago, I previewed this team in a F.U.N. Friday installment:

Morgan Le Fay (Chaos War) 122
Crystal (Chaos War) 105
Black Widow (Avengers Movie) 50
+ Iron Man Briefcase 12
+ Secret Avengers ATA 10
=299 points.

Here’s how it did.

Versus Cleveland’s CW Iron Man, Amadeus Cho, Ka-Zar and GF Dr. Strange on the Prison map, my failure to hit, well, anything, pretty much sealed my loss. That and me completely forgetting to use Morgan’s +2 suPerplex! What?!?

Did better in the next game against Tim’s one-man-army of Thanos (Galactic Guardians 049) on the Gotham Narrows. His bad clutch rolls helped me survive just long enough to maintain offensive ability. I think I still forgot Morgan’s suPerplex.

Piece-by-piece:

Morgan Le Fay: She’s a hoss. With her ability to make herself a hard shot either in close or at range as needed, and her suPerplex for fellow Avengers, and her wildcardness, she’s a highly versatile light tentpole. Her weakness is a great top click that you just don’t want to push off. I used her again in a sealed game (went 2-1) and I’ll play her next on a Pet Lovers theme team with Brightest Day Aquaman, DC75 Wonder Woman and Squirrel Girl, among others.

Crystal: Starting with great Running Shot + Psychic Blast ability, she’s a great threat upfront, until she pushes. Then she’s just mean. Super-Quake from range makes her a threat in all kinds of unrivaled ways. She’s very difficult to defend against; if not for her decidedly average numbers, she’d be a contender for the ranks of broken figures. I’ll always use her on an Inhumans team (did so recently, actually…look for a Battle Report on that in a week) and, perhaps, just for her own sake. This is a great F.U.N. piece.

Black Widow: Unlike the last time I ran her, this time the Takedown SP came into play quite a bit. If I’d remembered Morgan’s +2 Perplex, she might’ve gotten some more hits in. Black Widow (any version) is a favorite character of mine, so there’s little doubt she’ll find a spot on a future team.

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Continuing the photographic record of just how each character with the Super Strength power can hold their object token somewhere on the sculpt unassisted.

After my buggy camera ate a nearly complete set of pix from both 10th Anniversary sets, I’ve been slowly trying to reassemble the record. Here’s the seemingly nondescript detective who’s more than he appears to be…John Jones:

He can grip it ever-so-slightly in his right arm as shown. But depending on how your personally owned John Jones is bent, or upon the thickness of your object tokens (as the new ones are about twice as thick), you might be able to use the following alternate hold:

 Mine fits snugly between the fedora and floating Martian profile.

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Some stuff in this game just ain’t fun.

You know the stuff. The powergamer pieces that represent an arms race to ever-more-broken game effects and keep you from playing that ridiculous “Clix With Serious Tail” team-up of Squirrel Girl and Tigra and Beast Boy and Hellboy you’ve been wanting to play. Or that keep you reaching for the same 20 efficient figures because you don’t want to get dragged EVERY week by the other players doing the same.

Ziran the Tester is chief among offenders in this regard.

I suck your fun out with my hands. MY HANDS!

There are a lot of characters and game elements that can punish opponents with solid power combos, huge damage numbers, ease of attacking and staunch defenses. There aren’t many that punish opponents equally for building such into their team or largely leaving same OFF.

Pretty much any team that could conceivably pass all his tests won’t have a prayer of dealing with his Multi-Attacking 13 AV, 5 damage and 20 Impervious first click. Conversely, any team actually built to take on a powerful colossal like him might have its key players nerfed or dead before the game even starts, because said team is unlikely to pass all (or any!) of the tests.

In order to pass them all, a team has to meet these conditions on the opening click:

  1. -Smoke Cloud: No colossal-killing team is going to waste points on this power.
  2. -Force Blast: Same here. It’s just not a power that appears often on powerful pieces.
  3. -Battle Fury: There’s a chance that this might show on a 600-plus team. But it’s not one to build around.
  4. -Energy Explosion: Same here. It’s a power that just kinda shows up and is rarely used by tough figs.
  5. -Mind Control: Trying to MC a big colossal is pretty suicidal. It’s unlikely to be on a team that can fight one.
  6. -5 Team Abilities: With ATAs and multiple team symbols on characters, this condition is easier to meet than others. But by itself it won’t be nearly enough. And if you’re playing a themed team? Forget it!
  7. -5 figures costing 50 points or less: A true colossal-fighting team might have a cheap “pit crew” of supporters to meet this test. Might. But that’s around 200 points of  non-fighting power you can’t really afford to build to face this sort of monster.
  8. -5 Unique rings: With Uniques far less common in the post-REV era, this one could be a bust. It’s certainly not a prerequisite for battling colossals anymore.And really — needing FIVE of all these things? At 600 points, that’s really tough! If I weren’t the F.U.N. guy (emphasis on the F, for Fellowship), I’d want to slap the guy who came up with this requirement.
  9. -Enhancement: This cheap power is actually likely to make it onto a colossal-kill squad, although it’s a little rare. Better hope you get tested on this!
  10. -Leadership: Similarly, Leadership tends to show up on a lot of opening clicks and on a number of tough pieces. 
  11. -Support: It’s not nearly the must-have power it used to be, and healers are kinda rare. 
  12. -Defend: Similarly, top-dial Defend pieces are a little soft to go against the likes of Ziran. A colossal-hunting team needs to be about maximum offense.

Here’s one of the only Modern Age teams that is guaranteed to pass:

Hawkgirl (Brightest Day) (Battle Fury)
Major Glenn Talbot (Incredible Hulk) +  Hulkbusters ATA  (Enhancement, Unique #1, <50pts #1, TA #1)
Empath (Giant-Size X-Men) (MC, <50pts #2, TA #2)
Sgt. Rock (DC 75th Anniversary) (Defend, Leadership)
Astral Dr. Strange (Galactic Guardian 014b) (Smoke Cloud, <50pts #3)
Agent Coulson (Avengers Movie) (Unique #2, <50pts #4, TA #3)
Tarot  (Giant-Size X-Men) (Unique #3, <50pts #5)
S.H.I.E.L.D. Specialist (Captain America) (Support)
Bob, Agent of Hydra (Captain America) (Energy Explosion, Unique #4, TA #4)
Adam Warlock (Galactic Guardian 032) (Unique #5, TA #5)
GCPD Riot Officer (Dark Knight Rises 011a) (Force Blast)

599 points of “Yay.” This team barely has a chance a dealing any damage to Ziran, much less winning.

So what’s a Heroclixin’ fan to do, knowing that in any game of 600 points or higher this colossal killjoy might show up to spoil your F.U.N.?

Answer: Boost the U-factor (Utility and Usefulness) of your otherwise Friendly and Nifty team with the 33-point Donald Blake (Chaos War).

Not only does the good doctor pass one of the tests (Support) and possibly two more (below 50 points, possible ATA), but he also can either A) heal up victims of Ziran’s test penalties or B) absorb  4 of the 6 clicks Ziran doles out upon complete test failure, leaving your more important figures barely hurt, if at all.

Thus Ziran’s effect on your game is blunted. Of course, you’ve still got one of the most powerful colossals in the game to contend with, but at least you’re not at half-strength from the get-go!

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This is a bit of a sneak peek at what I’ll be writing for much of October, the Halloween month. ‘Cause there’s a lot more in HeroClix to be scared of!

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Continuing Heroclixin’s photographic record of Super-Strong figs that can hold objects, again:

The Thing (003) holds his token with the Yancy St. sign. “No hands, Aunt Petunia!” The battle-promoted Green Goblin (018), on the other hand, does use his left hand (his writst, really) to hold the token to his glider!

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Hopefully, this weekend I can get new shots of the pix I lost to my malfunctioning camera, which made me so mad that I started a new feature of stuff I hate about HeroClix. Read my rant tomorrow on how to Fight Fire With F.U.N.